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“LIFE is like nintendo without the reset button”
Quiet. It’s deafening when you’re trying hard to think clearly. The invisible sound of your brain when it’s trying to process information is defeaning. Your soul is astir though. It’s having it’s own sugar high, it’s adrenaline rush. However, your brain, your ultimate weapon sits right on top. Millions of neurons short-circuiting, synapses bend and snap. There’s nothing to decipher. You’re brain-dead or perhaps just thinking too hard.
You stare blankly at the wall trying to count the black ants that parade. Marching, marching, marching. Left, right, left.At least, they’re working unlike you, you lie there dumbfounded. Dumbfounded..pondering why you count them, drones in and out of a small hole.
There’s no hunger, no thirst that you feel. You just lie there quietly. You hum and hum. Weary, you felt weary. Then, eureka it hit you like, a lightning bolt that struck a tree. Instant electricity surging through your body. You find life so mundane. You can’t even think straight. You’re searching for some sort of cheap thrill you decide to get out of you’re mouse hole. Looking outside the window, the view is quite calming, like camomile. The sky appears to be a combination of purple and orange or is it hellish red? You’re confused. Maybe you’re colorblind.
You step outside the balcony. The late afternoon breeze made you shiver. Looking down, it made you feel nauseated. Closing your eyes, you imagine yourself flying. Softly you land in deep slumber. You have found the reset button at last.
You’re eyes hurt. Standing up, your eyes wander. There is nothing to see. Pitch black.It’s still quiet. Suddenly, images appear. You see yourself when you were three. Images flash like the house you used to live in, the kids in the neighborhood, your first day in school,your 5th grade math teacher, the high school intramurals, your senior prom, t h/s graduation, your college entrance exam result, the big interview, your logic professor, midterm examinations wherein you aced the test (this is the first time you’ve done well in your exams! Good Job!), the hospital room where you’re mom was confined, the loneliest christmas ever (which you almost spent it inside the hospital, your college graduation (which your mom missed), the day she died, her funeral. Many images flashing one by one like a deck of cards flashed infront of your eyes. It’s nauseating. Your head is spinning. It’s spinning too fast. You shouted. The images froze in suspended animation. You noticed one image. It suddenly moves into action, like a film rolling. There it is…the one wherein you were newly born. Your little feet being pulled out from your mom. The first cry. The first slap. Your official initiation. She’s holding your fragile body which is wrapped in cloth, it’s stained with blood. She smelled your forehead. You yawned. You felt comforted and very secure. She cuddled you in her arms. It brought you to tears.
Jolt. Jolt. Jolt. Squinting, blinking. Lights. Bright lights. Blinding lights. Consciousness reapproached. The ants, they continue to hum along and march. You on the otherhand are dumbfounded by what just happened. Again your synapses bend and snap. But nothing happened. You’re brain must have gone haywire. It was the most exihilirating experience yet. I guess it’s back to square one.
Quiet. It’s deafening when you’re trying hard to think clearly, the invisible sound of your brain when it’s trying to process information is defeaning. Lucid dreaming at its finest is hard to master.

 

*inspired by a true story*

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