self absorption 101

A visit to my personal shrink

Session 1: 100 questions(Free-Association)1 How are you feeling today?

– Disappointed.

2 Why?

-For all sorts of reasons but it can be summed up to two words. “I suck”. Enough said.

3 If you can be anyone for today who would you be and why?

– What an interesting question. I’d be God for today so I could smite the people who deserve to get their asses kicked.

4 Whoah, What’s with the temper tantrums?

Puhlease! Not like it’s something new. I just like to mope around, I guess it’s always been my thing.. if you know what I mean

5 Bumper sticker for the day?

Haha nice one. lemme see, oooh, I got one. “I rant. Therefore, I am” -Dennis Miller-

6 Aside from all those angsty feelings, what else do you feel?

-Alot of things. I’m an emotional basketcase . I’m hungry, I’m sleepy, yet I ignore them. I’d like to write and write until I pass out. lol!

7 Hungry, huh? Any cravings?

-Been craving for pizza.. maybe some booze to ease the disappointment..

8 How often do you drink?

-As often as spotting Feb 29 in your calendar.

9 I guess that means seldom or almost never. Have you ever been drunk?

-The term is tipsy. I’d say once. I must admit I have low alcohol tolerance.. *hik…..hik* Plus, I’m allergic * hik….*

10 Right!? So what made you “tipsy”?

-I swear! I get these red dots all around and they itch too.. Moving on, back in our bora days… I had some bailey’s shake, a bit of jam jar and illusion shaker.. and bamn! It was like my dad’s hippie days.. Can we stop talking about alcohol please. It’ s too early for that don’t you think?!

11 Alright!?! What’s fun about work and what’s not?

Fun. My co-workers. They’re very dynamic meaning it’s just pure insanity when I’m with them. The work itself…hmmm, there are times when you say to yourself “Thank god, I’m here instead of there” but there are times when you’d just want to hit the sack and snore off all the stress.

12 So do you like you job? yes or no

-Yo!

13 What are you future plans then?

-There’s no future. Tomorrow is not the future coz in just a few minutes it’ll become a NOW…At least for me..

14 Does that mean that don’t have any plans at all?

– I have. There’s always a plan.

15 Alright. Then,when do you plan to make them happen?

-When I ready.

16 What’s holding you back?

-Alot of things.

17 Can you name one?

-Hmmm.. inhibitions

18 Like what?

-Like myself, I am my own worst enemy. lol!

19 What about yourself?

-I’m indecisive.

20 What made you say so?

-I stutter alot..hahaha

21 Does that make you indecisive?

-I don’t know You tell me?!

22 What are you fears?

-Oooh…Snakes. Never liked cold blooded animals

23 Aside from animals?

-Hmm, like all normal people. I fear failure.

24 How do you handle criticism?

-Are you kidding? I’m a walking punchline. Until very recently, I am the person with a missing punchline. So I think I can handle criticism pretty well..

25 Pretty well, meaning?

Meaning I only whine when I think it’s no longer a constructive criticism or it’s just purely the person’s subjective opinion or probably the booze talking.

26 When can you say that a criticism is constructive?

-If,at the end you’d see that there’s a bigger picture beyond the bold letters that say “You suck so you better do something about it”?

27 So how do you handle failure?

Failure is like getting splash of cold water every morning. You simply have to wipe it off and start applying foundation. Ok, I don’t make sense. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s part of growing. Even though, it’s brings alot of pain. You’ll simply realize that you’d be a better person by experiencing a splash of cold water every morning and wiping it off with a warm towel.

28 So is your glass half full or half empty?

It half spilled and I guess you’d know what a splash of hot water feels like..

29 What’s you motto?

-Now, this is getting cheesier. Well.. I’d say ” It’s better to travel alone than with a bad companion.”

29 Are you loner?

-Well, we have our own moments when we think we’d better off alone or there are times that you’d want to be left alone. Maybe, I am. After all, I’m an only child

30 Speaking of childhood, How was it?

-It was..SUPER! My cousins were my playmates. I never recalled having an imaginary friend named Bubuli, though..I had an awesome time when I was a kid. When you reached puberty, you’d start paying your debt to Satan himself.

31 O really, So how was high school?

-It’s like Lord of the Flies! You have to fight to survive.

32 Which high school typecast were you?

Nerdish, awkward, person with cool friends

33 So were you one of the POPulars?

My friends are. Hey! Birds of a feather flock together.

34 What makes you different from them?

My sense of fashion and kind of music

35 How would you describe your own “sense of fashion”?

Good question. To tell you honestly. There’s nothing much to describe about my sense of fashion. Frankly, I think I don’t have one.

36 What about your music?

It’s eardrum friendly..at times.. lol!

37 If I’d ask one of your friends to describe you in one word, what do you think they’d say?

Maybe.. Wacky.. maybe Weird.. I tend to be both but it’s best if you’d just ask them.

38 Did you make alot of friends in high school?

I think, when people see me at first they wouldn’t think I’m friendly. I have a handful whom I consider as my close friends…

39 Do you think first impressions lasts?

Ano to, AXE? Not all first impressions lasts. Well, there are some cases when even if you’ve gotten to know this person you’d still have this weird feeling deep inside that this person might be the spawn of Satan.. hahaha

40. In your case?

I think people think I’m weird. And I’m sticking to it. lol! Opinions matter at some point but when shit hits the fan I just say “Hell cares!” or “whatever”

41. You said opinions matter. How often do you consider people’s opinions about you?

They matter if I feel the same way about it. Lol! But if it’s not then, I just consider it as one of those constructive criticisms. We’d need them.Constructive opinions keep you grounded.

42. Moving on, what’s the best thing about highschool?

-The best thing is finding friends who are true to you and that would lead you to alot of self-discovery..

43. What’s the worst thing?

-Being a square

44. Square? Was high school boring?

-For quite a time. It’s very routinary.

45. Are there any regrets?

hmmm. not being able to join the school paper…

46. Why not?

-I’m a loyal Science Club member and Devotee as well (Children of Mary) lol!! I hated typing too.

47. How about love life or puppy love in h/s?

Non-existent.

48. What?

Grab a dictionary!

49. I know what non-existent means.. Why was it non-existent?

-Refer to my motto. Besides, high school was the peak of my tomboy days. I simply care less about my aesthetic qualities up until I realize Prom is just 2 years away..

50. How was it?

-It was a waste. I had fun but hey, I could have stayed at home, watched tv all night with my dad, sipping some root beer and eating pizza. But hey, it’s PROM. You’d be out if your not in it.

51. What happened?

-It rained a bit. The food got a little mushy because the venue was not covered. My partner was a freaking retard ( no offense) but next time you’re invited to attend a prom, stick with your partner, okay. Talk about, respect and perhaps some common sense..

52. Are you always this intense?

-I admit. I whine alot. Sue me!

53. What does your parents think about you?

-I’m Dad’s little devil. My mom’s partner in crime.. and well, my lola’s fave. After all, I’m an only child. Ok. I’m a spoiled brat like what my relatives would always say. Happy now!

54. Were you’re parents excited about the whole PROM thing?

-I can’t remember. It’s all blurry to me..lol!

55. What were you wearing?

-A black off-shoulder gown.

56 Is black your favorite color? Seems like you’ve been wearing the same color everyday.

-What can I say? I may be color blind.

57. Since when did you start liking black?

-I think in high school at some point, you’d get into this stage where in you think black is the coolest color . You start dressing like you’re part of an occult… I guess I’m still in that stage. Plus, black has a slimming effect.

58. Speaking of which.. Do you have weight issues?

-Like every girl, I’d say yes. I’d say yes because PROM is superficial and I am superficial so I had decided to go on a diet for the sake of being trimmed down to strut your stuff.. But hey, I just lost the motivation.

59. How about now?

-I’m to sleepy to think about my weight but hey, for health reasons I am concerned. After all I’m not getting any younger.

60. How old are you?

-Old enough for r-18 movies.hahaha

61. Single or taken?

-Single, unattached what else would you want to call it?

62. What?! No wonder you’re miserable!

-Funny I like to say this to your face, though.. “If love is the answer, can you please rephrase the question?”

63. Seriously, when do you plan on getting hitched?

-When it comes to those things, I don’t plan it. It’ll just happen.

64. You’re not concerned at all? Are all your friends attached?

-hmm.. there’s 2 of us who’s single and loving it..What’s your problem?

65. We’re not talking about me, here.. Moving on, Are you comfortable talking about your love life?

-Yeah, at some point. I just don’t like to be placed under a magnifying glass. It’s like i’m being dissected when it comes to love life, especially when you’ve been single since birth.. But that’s okay. People tend to be excited when it comes that aspect (love life)..

66. And you’re not?

-Let’s just say it’ not my priority as of now

67. What is/ are your priorities?

-My family. My own well-being..hahaha. I guess, I’m still in that process of letting go. After my mom passed.. and then my uncle, I’m been in this emotional rollercoaster..I’m thankful that I have my friends by my side. I can’t imagine going through this without them.

68. How’s your family?

-I have to say, my dad is the best dad. I know he’s having a hard time, probably harder than what I am going through but like what he’s always telling me, just pray and everything will be alright. He says that we have to move on,like everyone else. What he’s doing now is to just put his heart to what he has always loved doing–making music, teaching and performing. He keeps my mom’s memory as his inspiration. He even dreams of her very often. My lola, well I think she’s the hippest lola ever. I know, I never really say this often. But, I’m proud of her. She’s tough.

69. How about you? How tough are you?

-Tough enough to wrestle you.. and my personal demons.. But like every cliche.. I guess, when it comes to goodbye, I’m a marshmallow. lol!

70. What are the things that you miss the most? with your mom specially?

-Wow! You really want to see some waterworks don’t know?! Everything about her, her voice especially.

71. How did you cope?

-I write, alot. I blog! like all abnormal people, I eat then sleep. I read alot. I keep myself busy. I go out with friends.

72. On the lighter side, how did that experience changed your life?

-In many things, I’ve become more aware of reality.

73. In what way?

-I’ve realized that everything happens for a reason. I can’t really explain it.

74. I haven’t asked you about college yet, have I? How was it in reference to what you’ve been through with your family ?

-College! It was so surreal. I had my ups and downs..

75. Surreal How so?

-It was the busiest time of my life.I have learned the value of time management. It gave me one leap further down the road of self discovery.

76. Compared to high school?

-I was apathetic in high school. I was pretty active and paid more attention to my studies when I was in college. I did pretty well in academics plus I made more friends. I was still the aloof one, but I guess, OLD HABITS, DIE HARD!

77. How true is this rumor that I heard, that you only started dating when you were in college?

-I’d say, this is one step closer to humilation..but yes it’s true.

78. So what happened?

-I invoke my right to privacy.

79. Request denied. Answer the question.

-No comment.

80. So how dirty is your closet?

-Literally, my closet is not much of a mess.

81. No not literally.

-Refer to answer 79

82. Fine. So are you this secretive?

-Well, I guess there are just some thing better left unsaid.

83. Do you like keeping secrets?

-I like it when people tell me their secrets. I have to say I’m a good secret keeper. But there are some times when I think that the less you know the better.

84. Are you always this opinionated?

-Well, if you’re saying that I have a way of giving you generic answers..well, maybe that’s just the way that I am..

85. Generic?

-Cliches. I’m a cliche.haha

86. What makes you unique then?

– I don’t know. Maybe you should ask my friends about that.

87. What make your friends unique, then?

– They aren’t like me?! haha. I think, no matter how hard they try not to be themselves, they just can’t. So I guess that makes them, better off than the rest of the population.

88. How is it living with them?

-chaotic and fun and wonderful and I just can’t imagine leaving and living with other people..

89. Have you had any fights while living together?

– O yeah, we always do. But we always work things out. At least we try too.lol!

90. No cat fight yet?

-Over food maybe and switching channels but other than that..none that big to cause armageddon..

91. How often do you miss home?

-Often. I mean alot. I always think of my family.

92. Where’s your second home?

-School! haha.. Aside from where I am living now..I guess, after everything that happened to me, I’ve become homeless and all.. but my friend’s family adopted me. Late year, I spent my first christmas away from my real family and instead was with my friend’s. I cried later that night when I called my dad. LOL!

93. So where are you spending this christmas?

-I’m almost sure that I won’t able to go home… :_(

94. Do you have any relatives here?

-Close relatives, only one.

95. Why aren’t you staying with them?

-It’s far from where I am working..I visit them from time to time though..

96. What’s one thing you would ask SANTA to give you?

-My sanity..hahaha.. Wow, I have alot of wishes. I guess the most important thing is good health and good luck.

97. Good luck? What for?

-Well, I believe in feng shui.haha.. I’m a jinx

98. How about new year’s resolution?

-Isn’t it a bit too early for that… well, I’d try to think of one.

99. Will you return for another session?

-Maybe. Depends.How much does this cost me anyway?

100. Nice one…So how are you feeling now?

Your questions made me hungry. See you next time. I.O.U.

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