self-flagellation is not my thing

I must confess i am not an avid fan of fasting or abstinence(obvious?!). curse thee. lent for me,means chance to get more sleep or to lie in the beach all day. we use to have annual lenten excursions. when my mom was still alive. she was the one in charge of planning the family excursions. It’s usually held in pasacao during black saturday or easter. we still have ones now. but it’s not the same without her. plus the other relatives are already abroad.I also remember that my dad has this “panata”. every good friday he would go to church (Naga Metropolitan Cathedral) to hear the “7 last words”. I on the otherhand, join my lola as home. I try hard to stay awake while we watch the 7 last words being televised on the local channel. I really try my very best to keep my eyes open. My lola is superstitious.. she says if you sleep in th afternoon–specifically during the time of Christ’s dying moment. You’ll be joining him as he ascend and meet our creator.. o dba?! Yup if you fell asleep by 3pm, which as the bible say, is the time when Christ died, you’ll go bye bye too.. Hmmm.. It didn’t work. I fell asleep after the 7th word was uttered.. which if my memory serves me right is… “Consumatum Est”.I don’t speak latin..I just think it means… It is done?

Ok, so maybe I am not a devote Catholic. Ironic, I’ve always been in a catholic school. Me and the lord. We’re tight. In all honesty, I only go to mass, if I have this strong feeling in my gut that I have to. It’s like divine intervention or whatever. It’s not just because I need a favor from Him. Maybe sometimes. But what’s the point in going to mass everyday, or visiting the confessionary every week, if deep inside your heart, He is not really there. For me, it’s all hypocrisy. I always pray. I don’t ask favors alot. But I do talk to him, maybe even sometimes, I tend to doubt him like all normal catholics do.

I don’t see the point of self-flagellation unless you really mean what you’re doing. Why do I have to starve myself until my eyes fall out of their sockets? why do I have go vegetarian for a week? It’s all about commemorating Jesus sufferings. It’s about joining him, putting ourselves in his shoes for awhile. But isn’t it that we suffer all the time, may it be caused by our own bidding or not. Life is full of suffering. We don’t just experience it during lent. Maybe, I’m being irrational. I don’t know. Maybe I can’t really sacrifice my cravings for the chrissake. However, I do share HIS cross. Each one has her or his cross to bear. We carry it everyday. At this time though, I just feel like doing nothing. Nothing.And time will come that HIS will WILL be DONE. Consumatum Est. Perhaps, we can share him in this eternal bliss. And we can finally say that. IT IS DONE.

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