burn– To inflict harm or hardship on; hurt
As used in an idiom
1. The author’s opinion does not matter. It’s just a matter of mind over matter. If you mind then it matters.. weh!
2. The author promises but not guarantees full non-disclosure of the true identities of the BURN VICTIMS.
3. The author promises but not guarantees impartiality. Again, why does my opinion count?
4. The author may or may not use fictional characters. Put your imagination to good use.
Let’s begin shall we?
BURN VICTIM NO. 1
Victims number 1 are considered as ONE–well, since you are a couple, counting you as two separate entities would be rude. Our insider said that the two are planning a short summer getaway for two to the island of broken bongs and white sandy shores. Is this an early honeymoon? Could this be the reason why the other half has been dedicating unlimited OT while the better half has been drinking a whole pack of slimming tea and mega starvation?
BURN VICTIM NO. 2
Number 2 puts the H in HYPOCRITE and B in BITTER. I think the you are BITTER off. Yes, Ms. H.B. as in Hypocrite B*****, you’re no heaven’s little angel. Little Ms. HB said that she knows better and that she puts people in their proper places. Who are you to put people in their proper places? A little manipulative, I think that’s what you are. You got all your friends thinking that your intentions are for everyone’s welfare. Little miss goody-two-shoes, it’s all written in your ass face. You have indeed, turned into a big monster. And you said that those heart breaks only made you what??? Stronger you say? Having a Britney moment there.. Hmmmm…We all think that behind that outer shell caked with pretense, inside is a weeping-heart-broken little person. Yes, it is the root of all evil. It’s just about a week or so before V-day, why don’t you just get yourself a date! The excessive hormones makes you a hag.
BURN VICTIM NO. 3
Three indeed is a crowd. Three stands for a triumvirate of pathetic weaklings. The saying and I quote ” I’ll always be here” is number 1 in the top 10 BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR. And please snap out of your fairytale dreams. Not all stories have happy endings. We cannot stay in the endorphine-induced world. We hurt, get hurt, stay hurt. It happens. Shit always happens. But to get stuck in our comfort zones??? What the hell happened to all the growth hormones? Please move one and grow up.
BURN VICTIM NO. 4
Closets are for clothes, dearie. If the saying BE YOURSELF makes you quiver and hide in your little WARDROBE, then please just acknowledged the fact that we’re in the 21st century. Metrosexuality and homosexuality is confusing but accepted. Whether you’re a bi or trisexual we don’t give a rat’s ass. We’ll let you be, even if it means you wanting to wear a butterfly costume or sing Mariah’s high notes. Spread your wings!
BURN VICTIM NO. 5
Dedicated to the love shittyness that is about to take over this month. Studies showed that the rate of mortality elevates on the 14th. I heard that this little love puppy had a blood/alcohol level of a professional drunk driver during the a socialite’s birthday celebration and is still mending his broken aorta for seeing the apple of his eye with her BF that night. Get over it, boyoi! Only Helen of Troy deserves the title of “The face that launched the thousand ships.” As. for you, “The face that launched a thousand SHOTS” She is no Helen, dude, pare, chong. We regret seeing your PUNCH-DRUNK-LOVE-SELF because the next time we ask you to tell us the time, you might want to look at your watch. That what watches are for. We hope to see you sober soon.
So here’s a toast to the burnt and ashed! A toast for the TOASTED.
LATS OF LAB (LOL),
Promac Toaster 500