This is not happening..

ThI’d like to give denial another shot. I’d like to believe that by refusing to acknowledge the existence of a pressing situation, I can delay acceptance. By means of such, I can wallow in misery and later on blog more about my stubborn attitude.

Here are some things I will temporarily renounce:

1. I am taking my job seriously – Prior to regularization, my social life still existed. It means that before, I am not a walking human cadaver. I have a life — of endless taco nights, sleepovers , movie marathons, watching live gigs of Miguel Escueta and booze nights. That’s how shallow my existence is but at least I felt alive. Post appraisal me became more focused on projects, payroll and fucking issuance of memos. Post appraisal me was robbed of weekends and also some week nights. I am complaining because I think that I’m being slave-driven. and I’m beginning to love or probably just get used to it. Partially, I want to slap myself for bitching because STABLE JOB = SURVIVAL and second, I don’t want to love my job. The more I get attached and become dedicated, to it, the more I will drown myself in a quicksand of contracts, leave forms, 201 files and such.

2. I lure freaks – Yeah, as an old saying goes ” It takes one to know one.” It must be true. A few days back, a toddler inside the MRT pinched my right butt cheek. A toddler, seriously! I never felt so harassed in my entire life. What’s disturbing is that his mom didn’t even bother to call his son’s attention. Plus, there are people (men and women alike) who can’t help but to pinch, tap or carress my arms. I get it, they’re soft and composed mostly of lipids. My triceps would make a wrestler weep in envy. Blame it on the fancy uppercuts I threw on my dad’s students. Teehee. But then again,lest you are Brandon Boyd, I strongly advise that you keep your paws to yourself. Second offense will merit an appropriate sanction.

Also, I know there’s a number of people who has this tendency to randomly add a stranger in their social networks — like perhaps friendster or facebook. I know, I also went to that stage when it’s all about the numbers. It felt like you are total loser if your social network would only include your dad, your third-cousin from your mother side, your seatmate when you were in the 3rd grade and your aunt. But now, who gives a foot? I don’t care if I only have 50 friends at least I know all of them.

I mean who wouldn’t want to block a friend request if the mail alert says “ SOUL_SUCKER would like to add you as a friend”.

If you are in my social network, I’m sorry but hiding under some weird pseudonym and fake picture will just rouse my growing suspicion (they don’t call me Queen Paranoia for nothing).

I just don’t get it. Is there an invisible arrow that points them to my direction?

3. I suck at time management – Yes that means, I cannot maintain focus because my work load has just doubled by quarter three. Yipee! They just hired another batch. of 20- 30 people. My accounts are growing which is good. I wonder if I can also get a cut from their basic salaries. Uhm…. hell no. This means, I cannot concentrate on finishing my stupid project. Thus, my performance appraisal for this February may be as good as cold turkey sandwich.

4. I am unpredictable these days – I dunno. Must be the impending coming of the holidays. I get cranky a lot for all the wrong reasons.. I need to regroup my alter egos.

5. I am immensely budget-conscious – Okay. Kuripot. Gearing up for 2009 is really challenging. I am thinking far ahead of the possibilities as the year wraps up. That includes becoming eventually homeless and walking along Quezon Ave., twirling my hair. This means that I am disowning some relatives because I cannot afford to buy them gifts this Christmas. Therefore, I’m also finding it hard to look for my dad’s present (both for his birthday and for Christmas). I also opted working during the holidays because a ticket going to the province can be allocated to other important things like perhaps my dad and grandma’s presents and possibly my haircut.

So there. I posting this demotivational poster as my parting words.

*wallow*

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