I have learned what it means to limit oneself by not moving out of your comfort zone.
I’ve always been a guarded person. My walls are always up. I’ve realized that I have a problem with vulnerability. I’ve always thought that it’s okay to be on your own and to own that “aloneness” without being lonely is a feat that one must conquer.
When I felt that loneliness is creeping in, I just push myself to do productive things like work or pursue some of the hobbies I have. I realized that I was pretending that it’s okay. But it gets tiring that facing your own emotions and confronting them would open doors that I don’t want to open. I felt disconnected.
I’ve learned that it was because I was too trusting before bordering on naivete. I don’t proceed with caution. Maybe that’s what the pain of being young means.
I’ve seen Brene Brown’s TED talk on shame and vulnerability and boy did it hit the right spot. I recalled her say that in order to live life wholeheartedly one must not numb vulnerability. When you do, you don’t only dismiss one emotion but in effect you shut yourself out completely.
I’ve learned that I was too hard on myself that when things don’t go as planned I blame myself. I should be able to continue learning that there are just somethings that are beyond my control.
I’m still a work in progress as we speak. I think we constantly should be. I’ve learned what it means to get lost and lose your confidence and what it means to rebuild it. It only starts from within. That it means a lot to be strong yet still vulnerable. I’ve learned that stating true to yourself is the hardest part of acceptance and that it’s a journey within itself.
I’m constantly being reminded that fear can only paralyze you and cripple you so in order to break free, I must face it.