Truth Thursday: Versus

Truth Thursday on a Saturday!

I’m pretty sure you’ve all heard the cliche “We are our own worst enemies.”  And we based this on the notion that we are our own worst critic.

The battle that I’m in right now is a fight between my self-propelled self versus my painfully awkward and stubborn self. The latter had been gaining advantage in terms of bringing out the self-defeating person in me.  I hate being a quitter primarily because I few years back I have let doubt entered and listened to its lies.  Lost that belief in myself. Standing up for myself has never been that easy.  I’m the one who easily taps out of an argument because I tend to compromise and that has gotten the best of me. That had build up through the years and so by being non-confrontational I’ve become more on the passive-aggressive side.

People often tell me how self-critical I am or that how hard I am when it comes to myself and I am working on that aspect. They always said that in order to conquer anger, you should just delay it. It builds emotional muscle.  But taking about it can also diffuse it and thus gain clarity.

Controlling my emotions has always been something I do. But the more I do it , the more I had severe anxiety attacks. I could not leave the house. I could not get up and my body was aching all over. My thoughts were racing really fast and I felt nauseous. That happens when I’m not in control of the situation.  I could not explain it to other people because they might think something’s severely wrong with me — well, yeah now that you’re ready it you have an idea. I generally felt embarrassed opening up.  It happened again this week.  It’s been recurring and I’m trying my best to overcome this.  Just when I’m about to start again. : -(

Written for: Truth Thursdays